A funny little thing called "Happiness"

I hate going through this blog, especially the posts that show the start of my dreams.  you can see the transitions of the beginning to middle, and hopefully not the end.  I start with optimisity(probably not a real word, though it should be), and engage with intent, filled with aspirations and dreams that are waiting to be discovered.  I say over an over what could've been, but never cease to admit that I defeated myself, and that I again am my own undoing.  I must in some how lost my sense of direction, I fill up with ideas that never come across, and are never sough after.  What is the purpose of dreams if they are left unfulfilled? 

A.

Start here...

Here's to new beginnings and optimisticity.

Optimisticity is probably not a real word, but my definition is: Of being optimistic in the most simple way you know how; your motivation.

I think I know what I want, but the reality of moving and working towards it seems like a lifetime away.  People always say you've accomplish a lot for your age, but I always think, no i haven't I barely began.  If I were to see myself from an outside perspective I would see a person that yeah, seems somewhat ambitious, but she's too vertical.  There are not side roads that she'll ever stop in, what she plan she executes.  There should be no room for spontaneity or god forbid mistakes.  I know this now, and I want to break down my walls, and adapt to change, to error.  Because as of right now, I am just me., I am vertical.

A.

Stunt in your own doing

You become so incline to please everyone but yourself.  You give before but never receive back.  Happiness is you own undoing, set the bar so your standards you hit will be for yourself.

Moving On and Moving Forward.

Its hard to start over in a sense when you leave your current position.  Taking that initial first step of sending your resumes to different companies already puts you in a vulnerable situation.  Do you leave or do you go?  The questions don't only stay with the job outlook, but moving into a different country where you barely speak an ounce of the native language.  I never went away for college or lived on my own, I've been stuck in this bubble for way too long.  I've always made planned out decisions, it may be time for me to just jump and let myself fall. 

Photo

-A.

Changing through your experience, lost, passion, growth.

The way you understand and perceive life when you were younger is so different where you see yourself now.  The present is scary enough to accept, and the future will just begin in an instant.  You try so hard not to repeat your past, but at times you cannot help but run back to familiar roads.  Why chance it when you don't have to.   Fear is always there, but how will you grow if you don't give yourself a chance, no one else will.

Patience seems to always be tested with me.

Ever feel like you've been on a never ending treadmill? That's I feel I've been feeling for awhile...  I hate feeling like I'm never getting to my destination.  Maybe that's my problem, I'm waiting and not pursuing.  It's easier to blame everyone else but yourself.  There are still some outside factors that you may never have control of.  I've began to start taking to heart what I write, scribble down, and say.  Because what I say or write does not always reflect in my actions.  A good friend told me I had an "old soul," and I didn't realize what she meant until these past couple of weeks.  I looked back on how I react and feel about certain things in my life.  I never felt the same way majority of my friends did in the past, I was always the mature one, the one that lead everyone into the "right" direction.  I never made the mistakes that my friends made, I just assumed I learned from theirs.  I wonder if I had actually made those same mistakes, would I feel better of where I stand today? That's a question I will seek an answer to for the rest of my life.

♥ A. 

It started with Goodbye.

It''s funny when something comes to an end you always think of the beginning.  You tend to never look forward, and assumptions take over.  There's been quite a change in my life right now I never really stopped to take it in.  I kept moving forward, maybe not even forward...I stayed in the present and never appreciated this opportunity.  I "opportunity" as means that I have this time to gain perspective of myself.  

You tend to lose yourself in an instant, but gaining it back is even harder...

A.

Photos: Via Weheartit